Author: worldways

Celebrating differences, similarities, & what makes us each unique

Children will begin to notice differences in others, but it’s important that they know being different can be great! Learning to appreciate others’ unique strengths and talents will help your kids develop self-confidence and form healthy relationships with others.

It’s easier for kids to put people, places, and things into categories so that they can understand and organize the world. They will lump people based on things like gender, race, or age. While this can be useful to help them understand their surroundings, it can also lead to discrimination. It’s important to show kids that different doesn’t mean “bad.”

It’s not enough to simply say you believe everyone is equal. You need to show your children that you value diversity by engaging in activities with diverse people.

• Your child may notice that some people use a wheelchair or hearing aid, others may use guide dogs or communicate using sign language.  Be open to your child’s questions about people’s different abilities. Ignoring or “shushing” them may lead to misconceptions and labeling of those individuals as “weird” or “strange.”

• Liking someone and agreeing with them are two completely different things. You might not like your boss, but you respect their position. Your child may not like their teacher, but they should always follow their directions when in the classroom.
  • Talk to your child about their feelings and help them explore different ways of thinking: Why do they think that the teacher has to do things certain ways?  The more practiced your child gets at considering others’ perspectives, the easier it is to be respectful even when they disagree.
• The assumption that everyone identifies as heterosexual – that all men are attracted to women and that all women are attracted to men – can be a prevalent assumption in society.  It’s also often the only frame of reference that children get from television and movies.  When your child is at home, try to normalize examples of different sexualities, different types of relationships, and the fundamental importance of love.  
  • If your child comes home from school and tells you that they are confused because one of their same-sex peers has a crush on them, consider focusing on how nice it is when others care about them, or all of the lovely things about your child that would make anyone have a crush on them.
  • There are no rules about who your child is allowed to care about or want to spend time with, and there are no rules about who others are or aren’t allowed to care about.
• Do not excuse behavior as “boys being boys” (like punching or hitting) or “girls being girls” (like name calling or rumor starting).  Communicate the importance of caring for others, respecting others, and behaving in ways that align with a larger value system.

Children can become more aware of other people’s personal space by reading, evaluating, and responding to body language.

• Encourage your child to read cues (verbal and nonverbal) about when others may not want to be touched – even if this means no hugs or playful interactions. Respecting others’ personal space is an extension of the “hands to self” concept that children often learn at a young age.
• Point out situations such as “Sally backs away from you when you go to hug her, I don’t think she wants to be touched,” or “He said no, that means he doesn’t want you to touch his things so you need to respect that.”

Kids may need help learning ways to deal with bullying or strategies to stop their own bullying behavior.

Bullying isn’t respectful! Around this age, bullying may become a bigger issue in your child’s life. They may feel bullied at school, or perhaps they are doing the bullying.

• Empower your child to talk with teachers and other adults when or if they feel that someone is being hurtful. While we want to teach our children to be effective problem-solvers and communicators, we also want them to know that it’s okay (and important) to seek adult support if their individual efforts to solve a problem are unsuccessful.
• Kids pick up on your behavior, so do not be a bully yourself. If you’re gossiping about others, your child will be more likely to mirror your behavior.
• If your child is engaging in bullying, consider what feelings might be behind their choices. Often times children use these types of behaviors to distract from feelings of low self-esteem or self-doubt.  Talk to your child about their feelings, their experiences, and ways of getting their needs met.

How are we different? How are we the same?

Your child is unique! They have thoughts and opinions that are separate from yours. Encourage them to explore their interests and figure out what they love about themselves!

Your child understands that people are different. They recognize that they have their own gender, skin color, body shape, and personality. No matter how much we tell our kids that differences make us special – sometimes kids just want to “fit in.” Encourage your child to celebrate their own unique qualities, as well as the things that make others special.

Your child is an extraordinary human being.

Pay attention to and acknowledge all of the awesome things about them! Talk to your child about what they like about themselves. What are they good at? What are their strengths? Make it “ok” to be good at some things and not-so-good at others. Encourage your kids to celebrate others’ strengths – not compete with them or compare themselves.

• As your child comes into contact with more and more people, they may begin to make negative comparisons between themselves and others. Try and guide your child to celebrate others’ abilities without putting themselves down. Focus your child’s attention on their individual strengths and support them to practice skills that they want to improve.
• It can be helpful to remind them that it’s okay to change their minds about what they like and don’t like as they learn about the world around them.

As the days fly by, your kid is growing bigger and stronger!

Your child will begin to notice how they are growing compared to their friends, and sometimes these changes can seem confusing. Help your child understand that everyone grows and changes in different ways and at different speeds.

• Baby pictures and videos are a great way to show your child how much they have grown. Talk about what you remember and love about them at each age.
• Use these opportunities to talk about differences between your child and their siblings, friends, and even you when you were a child. Ask your children what they remember about themselves at different ages, their siblings at different ages, and things that they think make other people special.

Every day your child is learning who they are.

Your child will learn more and more about themselves, but may not fully understand everything that they are feeling or learning. Being thoughtful about your child’s growing sense of identity (including those that you may not fully understand yourself) can feel complicated and confusing.

• Encourage open and safe dialogue with your child; allow them to explore parts of themselves without fear of judgment or rejection. Parenting our children as they develop a sense of self can be scary. Your job is to provide a safe and loving space for your children to discover new aspects of themselves.

Explore new and exciting things!

Understanding and accepting new things is an important part of your child’s development. Your child is interacting with new friends, new teachers, and new challenges every day. Some of these experiences will feel overwhelming, and others will be a piece-of-cake. Encourage your child to explore new experiences! 

By this age, your kid knows what they do and don’t like.  They may love carrots and dislike the cold weather.  It’s so much fun to watch your children develop their unique and quirky likes and dislikes…but don’t give up on encouraging your kids out of their comfort zones.  

We all like things that are familiar, and may resist switching up our routines. Even though it’s normal to be hesitant about change, it’s important to encourage new experiences.

• Compromise! If your child is a picky eater and resistant to trying new foods, use a 3 bite “try-it” policy: 1 bite to taste it, 1 bite to thing about whether or not they like it, and 1 bite to confirm their decision. If, after 3 bites, your child really doesn’t like the food, they don’t need to “try it” again during that meal. Explore foods with new textures, flavors, and appearances; think foods like: curries, starfruit, hummus, kimchi, or plantains.
• Encourage your child to try new activities at school. If your child is too nervous to join the soccer team or participate in the school play, ask them if they would like to practice kicking the ball with you or invite a friend to join the play with them. Practicing in a comfortable environment and with comfortable people can help build skills and confidence for joining new things later.

Talk to our child when they seem confused or concerned about new experiences.

• When unexpected events arise, help your child examine ways that an unexpected surprise can be a good thing.
• If your child becomes too anxious or stressed a bout a new activity, take a break. Let them take a few minutes to talk about their feelings, get some support, and then get back into their activity. Don’t let your kids walk away altogether – avoiding new and unfamiliar experiences can be a slippery-slope. Instead, help them manage their feelings and uncertainty and then “get back to business.”

The world is a wild and wonderful place! Learning about new people, places, and things can be exciting!

• • Bring your child to events celebrating other cultures. Be respectful and curious about different peoples’ traditions.
  • Talk with your kids about religious and spiritual traditions. Point out different religious buildings and symbols that you may see – churches, synagogues, and mosques, head scarves, religious jewelry, or culturally significant makeup or body art.

• • Let them explore their friends’ different traditions and encourage them to share their own.    

• • Learn together!  If you don’t know a lot about other cultures, go to the library!  Google it! Ask friends and family to help answer questions that your child (or you!) may have.  

• • When choosing TV shows, movies, and books, seek out things that show positive depictions of diversity.  Be sure to point out inaccuracies or stereotypes when the media depicts diverse individuals as “bad.”

Helping your child understand & respect others

Children notice differences, so teach them that being different is no biggie. Appreciating differences will help your child form healthy relationships, teach them to celebrate all people, and encourage kindness and respect.

At this age, children put people, places, and things into categories to help them understand the world a little better. They lump people together based on what is visible, like gender, race, or age. While this can be useful (and is developmentally appropriate), it is important to show your kids that different doesn’t mean “bad.”

Children are curious. They will have questions about the people around them.

• Don’t avoid their questions, even if they are uncomfortable. Be matter-of-fact and use simple language.  

• Explain to your child that people come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. Provide examples that they can understand, like comparing grapes and apples and oranges and papayas – “They may have different shapes and colors, but they are all fruits!”

Everyone makes assumptions.

• Gently challenge your child’s assumptions about others and explore lots of ways to think about a situation or experience. 
  • Talk about the stereotypes that might be shown on TV or in books, like the damsel in distress the knight in shining armor or the old wicked witch. Point out that “damsels” can slay dragons, that brave knights might feel scared and cry, and that not all witches are mean and scary.
  • It is important to acknowledge that some people are treated differently based on things like gender, skin color, physical abilities, or how much money they have. Talk about how this can be hurtful and strategize ways to be open, accepting, and kind to others.

Many children are curious about gender.

• Exploration of gender and different gender identities is healthy and can teach children to think flexibly about gender roles.
  • Let your child explore activities that get aimed at the opposite gender. Try to provide toys and play opportunities that go against gender stereotypes.
  • Look for books or movies that show people doing things that are stereotyped for the opposite gender. Find examples of boys showing emotions or girls being in charge.
  • Use titles like firefighter, police officer, and garbage collector instead of fireman or police woman. This can help your child understand that anyone can do these jobs!

“I am ME, and you are YOU.”

By this age, children begin to realize that people can be different from each other. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, and their own special features. Differences make us who we are and should be celebrated.  Yet, children often gravitate to people who are look and act similar to them. Watch for behavior that might be unfair or hurtful, and encourage them to embrace people and things that are different.

Being able to celebrate differences requires that children are able to celebrate the things that make them special. Your kid is awesome! Make sure they know it. Ask your child what they like about themselves. What are they good at? What makes them unique?  

Your child is GROWING and changing every minute!

• Help them track their growth on a growth chart, allowing them to mark their height each week, month, or year.  

• Look at baby pictures with your child. Have them point out the differences they see in themselves.  Talk about the special things you remember about them at each age.

Your child is starting to understand that people can fall into more than one group or category.  

Talk to your child about all the different roles that people can play.

• Moms are not just moms, they are doctors and soccer players and extra-amazing snugglers. And dads are not just dads, they are chefs and singers and super-awesome bath-givers.
• Ask your child about the many things they can do, like say their ABCs, quick-zip their jackets, and be a good friend. Each of these things makes them special…and no one can do things exactly the way that they can.

Be open when talking about people’s roles and groups.

• It’s okay if someone doesn’t fit into the category that we think they should fit in. Don’t try and convince your kids that there is a right or wrong way to be.
• Keep challenging your own thoughts and assumptions about specific groups. Why can’t boys wear makeup? Why shouldn’t girls collect bugs?

Your child notices everything about the people around them.

They might be confused that people look or act differently than they do.

• Talk about concrete and specific differences between you and your child, between your child and their siblings or friends, and between you and others in your life. Remind them that they are special because they have their own unique qualities, and so do others.  

• Have your child draw pictures of people in their lives. Talk with them about what they’ve drawn. Ask them to describe/explain their pictures to you and what makes the people in their pictures unique and special.

Navigating Uncertainty and Exploring the Unknown

Learning to understand and accept new things is an important part of your child’s development.

When the unexpected happens, help your child think about the good things that come from changes and challenges.

• • Your child will notice your body language, and eye contact during new experiences.  Talk about what you’re thinking and feeling to help them feel less nervous.

• • If it looks like they are becoming too overwhelmed, take a break!  Step away for a few minutes and talk to your child about what they like or don’t like about the new experience or object.

There are so many different ways you can show your child new people, places, and things.

• Take your children to events like festivals with culturally diverse foods, music, and clothing. Talk about the importance of learning about others’ traditions and celebrations.

• Read stories that include a variety of characters: people of different ethnic groups, family structures, gender identities, religions, or physical abilities.  
• If you, yourself, don’t have much experience with other cultures, go to the library or use the internet to learn more about a specific topic.

• For some new experiences, like going to the dentist or to an amusement park, talk with your child about what they think will happen and what they can expect.  
  • Don’t avoid situations that may cause your child some distress. Learning how to navigate new experiences will teach your child that even nerve-wracking situations can be great!   
  • It can be helpful to watch videos or read stories about an upcoming experience to help prepare your child, but don’t over-prepare them. Over-preparation can actually increase anxiety, and make a new situations seem scary.
• Sometimes it can be helpful to visit a setting in advance.
  • For example, if your child is anxious about their first dentist appointment, consider visiting the dentist’s office on a day when they don’t have an appointment.  Ask the receptionist or a hygienist to show you an empty room and some of the tools.
  • Or bring your child when you have your own dentist appointment – let them watch you get your teeth cleaned to better understand what will happen when it’s their turn.

Helping your child understand and respect others’ differences

Children notice differences, so teach them that being different is no biggie.  Appreciating differences will help your child form healthy relationships, teach them to celebrate all people, and encourage kindness and respect.

At this age, children put people, places, and things into categories to help them understand the world a little better. They lump people together based on what is visible, like gender, race, or age.  While this can be useful (and is developmentally appropriate), it is important to show your kids that different doesn’t mean “bad.”

• Even though your children may not be able to say much, it is really important to talk with them about what they see and feel.
  • Explain that people come in all shapes, colors, and sizes.
  • Challenge stereotypes.  Let your child explore activities that get aimed at the opposite gender. Try to provide toys and play opportunities that go against gender stereotypes.   
  • Use titles like firefighter, police officer, and garbage collector instead of fireman or police woman. This can help your child understand that anyone can do these jobs!

I’m a big kid now!

Your toddler may still be your “baby”, but they are getting bigger and more capable every day.  Encourage independence – give them little jobs to build confidence, self-respect, and independence.  

When trying new skills, children learn through trial and error!  

• Allow your children to try eating with utensils.  Even though there will invariably be a mess that follows, children feel incredible pride when they finally get their food to stay on their spoon and into their mouths!
• Resist the urge to take over when your children attempt to get dressed themselves.  Provide a little guidance when they get stuck or frustrated, but let them work through finding the arm-holes or pulling their shorts up over their diapers. 
• Sometimes children are just as surprised when they can do things as you are!
  • Let your child experiment with climbing up onto the couch or sliding off the bed.  Provide some “spotting” to ensure that they don’t fall or get hurt, but give them a little space to flex those muscles!
  • Squeeze a little soap onto their hand in the bathtub and ask them to help you wash their body, or try asking them to rub a little lotion onto their legs after their bath.
  • Give your child a children’s toothbrush and let them chew on it to “brush” their teeth.  Then you can “double check” that there is no food left in their teeth!

“I am ME, and you are YOU.”

Children at this age are still learning that people can have their own likes and dislikes, and their own special features. Don’t be afraid to point out ways that people are different from each other – but do so in ways that communicate respect and excitement about those differences.  Talk about how differences help us learn and create opportunities to try new things.

Being able to celebrate differences requires that children are able to celebrate the things that make them special. Your kid is awesome! Make sure they know it.

Your child is GROWING and changing every minute!

• Track their growth on a growth chart, and mark their height each week, month, or year.  Point out how much they are growing and changing.

• Look at baby pictures with your child. Talk about the special things you remember about them at each age.  

Your child notices everything about the people around them. They might be confused that people look or act differently than they do.  

• Find concrete ways to talk about individual differences by using meaningful examples. 
  • Talk about differences between you and your child, between your child and their siblings or friends, and differences between you and your own parents, siblings, and friends.
  • Remind your child that they are special because they have their own unique qualities, and so do others.

Everyone has their own way of doing things, even your kids.

As your child realizes they are their own person, they will begin to figure out that their way of doing things may not be the same as yours.  That’s okay!  Allow your child to try doing things their own way when appropriate.

• Let them try eating applesauce with a fork.  No harm no foul.

• Let them wear their pajamas backwards if they really want.

• Go ahead and let them wear their bathing suit in the bathtub or comb their hair with their toothbrush.

Navigating Uncertainty and Exploring the Unknown

Learning to understand and accept new things is an important part of your child’s development. It’s never too early to start teaching our children how to embrace the unfamiliar.

Things to think about:

Be aware of your own feelings.

Your child will notice how you respond to new and unfamiliar experiences. Pay attention to your body language and eye contact during new experiences.  Explain what you’re thinking and feeling to help them understand what is happening and how to respond.

If it looks like they are becoming too overwhelmed, take a break!  Step away for a few minutes and acknowledge – out loud – that new and unfamiliar experiences can take some getting-used-to.

There are lots of different ways to show your child new people, places, and things.

• Take your children to festivals and community events that celebrate with culturally diverse foods, music, and clothing.  Your children may not be able to talk about the importance of these experiences, but they will learn to encounter and embrace things that are new when these opportunities are a normal part of their lived experience.
• Read stories that include people of different ethnic groups, family organizations, gender identities and physical abilities.  

If you, yourself, don’t have much experience with other cultures, use this as an opportunity to learn with your child. Diversity awareness and respect is important at all ages.

For some new experiences, like going to an unfamiliar playground or outdoor concert, talk about what it may feel, sound, or look like and what they can expect.  

• Don’t avoid all situations that may cause your child some stress.  Create opportunities to teach your child that new things – even those that make them nervous – can be great!   
• It can be helpful to read stories about an upcoming experience to help prepare your child, but don’t over-prepare them.  Over-preparation can actually increase anxiety, and make a new situation seem scary.  
• Start small.  It can be helpful to visit a setting in advance (like going to the dentist’s office on a day when they don’t have an appointment, or visiting a new preschool before leaving your child for the day).  Exposing your child to new things in small doses can decrease anxiety and increase curiosity and comfort.